Chapter 3

I cried the whole way home. Walking into the house I ignored the confused stares and questions that were being thrown at me. I went straight into my room closed the door and locked it. I sat on my bed and contemplated what I was going to do next. On the way here I decided that giving up my babies would be totally STUPID. If he wanted nothing to do with me fine. Have a nice life. I am keeping them. They're my life. But I know I can't raise these babies on my own. I have to tell someone. Nobody knows. I've kept it a secret for about 3 1/2 months and I truly plan on keep it a secret. I glanced at my dresser that sat across from my bed and saw my shiny friend. Sad, isn't it. This is what I'm confiding in. A razor. Something that could end my life in an instant. I grab it and retreat to my bathroom. Is this what I really want. The voices in my head are telling my to go ahead. 1 cut. 1 scar. What's the worst that could happen. But another part of my knows this is wrong. It knows that I should go down there and beg for help. But that's not what's going to happen. I gently press the blade against my wrist wincing at the pain it sends right away. I cut a little deeper watching the blood pour from my wrist. I choose another place to cut. Cut a little deeper Nicki and you'll end your life. Is that what I want? One cut turned into 5. I need to clean this mess. I cleaned up the blood off the floor. I went I to the closet and grabbed a body towel. I then noticed all my bloody rags that I had thrown in the trash over the last couple months. That alone made me throw up. I quickly hopped in the shower wanting to get out of this bathroom. 
Walking into my room a grabbed a too big hoodie threw that on and a pair of leggings. I contemplated on whether I wanted to go back downstairs or if I wanted to lie down and take a nap. I'm just going to avoid confrontation and take a nap.
-•-•
I woke up from my nap hearing people talking. What the hell? Looking to where the talking was coming from I saw Lauren and Thembi sitting on the  love seat in the corner of my room. When did they get here?

"Look who finally graced us with her presence?"

"How did you get in here?"

"Someone rude when they wake up." Thembi said walking to the side of the bed I was on. 

"I locked the door for a reason."

"Oh, you don't want to see us?" Lauren asked as if her feelings were hurt. "To bad."

"Now tell us what's going on." Lauren said sitting next to on my bed. "BTW, Candi said she'll be here soon. She had a stop to make." Candi? O.o

"Why are you calling her Candi?"

"One night she was drunk and raving about strippers. She said she's a stripper and she wants everyone to call her that."

"Oh."

"So how's our best friend?" Thembi said getting comfortable in my bed as did Lauren. 

"Nothing guys. My life been pretty boring." I said trying to convince myself of this lie as well as them. 

"Onika Tanya Maraj don't you dare lie to us!" Thembi said with the New York accent I loved so much. 

"I'm not lying I'm telling the God honest truth."

"Okay fine since you don't want to bring it up on your own I'll do it for you. What happened at the studio?"

"How do you know I went to the studio?" 

"Your mom and SB called us. Saying that you totally ignored them when you came home. And you'd been on you room ever since. Nicki what day is it?" She asked looking at me. I looked at her like she was stupid. 

"It's Wednesday." I said matter-of-factly. 

"Nicki, It's Friday. You've been asleep for two days." I was dumbfounded maybe that loss of blood did something to me. 

"Nicki" Thembi said grabbing my face so I was looking at her. "What's wrong?" Could I tell them the truth. The God honest truth. That was slowly killing myself. That I'm pregnant with quadruplets and the father wants nothing to do with me and he's about to be married. That I was hiding from my past. Couldn't find my future. God, I barely could face the truth myself. So why would they? 

Candi came into my room looking like a bat out of hell. 

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked looking at her oddly. 

"Girl, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. But enough about me. What's going on with you?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because lately you haven't been yourself." Thembi asked with a concerned look upon her face. While Lauren and Candi agreed. "We're worried about you."

"Guys please believe me when I say I'm fine. The whole being sleep for two days thing is a little weird and different for me. But maybe I needed it. It possibly benefited me. Look do you guys want to have a day out?"

"Nicki are you up for a day out. SB told us you've barely left the house in 3 1/2 months." IT'S BECAUSE IM PREGNANT!

"Yes, guys I'm sure. Now you to the living room and I'll be out soon okay. I'll do my hygiene thing and we'll be on our way." I smiled reassuring them I was okay.