Chapter 2

Walking to the studio I was welcomed by a cloud of smoke. The air filled my lungs and I instantly started coughing. 

"What do you want?"

"What happened to us?"

"I don't have time for this." I said walking towards the door. He grabbed my arm and pulled me on to the couch while he sat in the chair in front of me.

"I love you...." He slurred barely able to keep his eyes on me. 

"No you don't! You love your fiancé."

"STOP TELLING ME WHO I LOVE! "He was silent for a minute. "Ha, you use to love me."

-Flashback-
He stared at the side of my face as we sat on the couch his tour bus. 

"What?"

"Do you know how beautiful you are?"

"How could I forget? You tell me every time you see me."

"It's true. I'm just stating the obvious."

"Have I ever told you I love you?"

"All the time." He replied pulling me on his lap so I was straddling him. "Have I ever told you I want to spend the rest of my life with you?"

"All the time." I said kissing him. What was supposed to be a small kiss turned into a full make out session. As his lips traveled down my neck I couldn't suppress the moans or the feeling he was giving me.

"Make love to me" I begged. 
-Flashback End-

"That was 5 years ago. I was young and stupid. So were you." He was silent. I didn't know what to say. I got up and headed to the door. I was reaching for the handle when he started to speak. 

"Ya know, I loved with you with all my heart. The when I woke up the next morning and you weren't there I thought I had done something wrong. Then I read that punk ass note. You left a note. Not face to face. Just a note saying you could do it anymore. Do you know how I felt. I didn't want to see your fad anymore. But we work together to I had to. I still have to. I finally realized that I can never love you again. I don't want to love you. Look, unless its business don't talk to me. I don't care if we're at an event and I'm the only person there. Don't speak. Just leave me alone. Got it."

"Yeah, I wouldn't have it any other way." I said walking out hiding the tears that had finally surfaced. The father of my babies officially hates me. Maybe the decision is finally made. Maybe I should just get rid of them.

Chapter 1

Sitting here makes me nervous. Well this isn't my first time here. So I shouldn't be nervous but I am.  I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here by myself. He should be here with me. I didn't create this myself. It takes two. Not 1. But what happened was a mistake.  At least that's what he says. I don't believe it was a mistake. But it was he's about to be married. 

"Onika Maraj?" The nurse asked waking from the back. I got up and walked to where she was standing. 

"Right this way." She said leading me to a room in the back. "The doctor will be here soon." She said walking out the room and closing the door. 

I sat in the chair nervously biting my nails until the doctor came in.  

"Nicki, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm good Dr. Tully. How are you?" 

"I'm good actually thanks for asking. Lets get down to business. How are the babies?"

"They're doing good. I'm just worried. I've been really sick lately. All I can do is sleep. I eat and throw up. I'm just weak all the time." 

"Honestly Nicki, that's totally normal. Every mother goes through that. All I can recommend is more sleeping and only eating what you an keep down. All that acid from the bile isn't good for your teeth."

"Thanks that makes me feel much better."

"You welcome. Lets get a look at these babies. Get up on the table and lift your shirt up for me." I did as he instructed. She spread the gel on my stomach and I shivered at he cool sensation. 

"Sorry Nicki, I should have warned you."

I giggled. "It's okay. Just caught me off guard."

"Well, Nicki everything looks good. Baby D's heart beat is a little irregular. But with close attention everything should be alright. Baby A,B,and C look fine." I was a little nervous about baby D, but I she thinks he's going to be okay. Then I'm okay. 

"Thanks Dr. Tully. That's really reassuring." I said with a warm smile. 

"Well Nicki, everything looks good. So on your way out make a appointment with Jenny at the front and she'll also get you the ultrasound pictures from today. Any questions?"

"No not at all Dr. Tully. See you next time."

"Bye Nicki." She said holding the door open so I could walk out. 

-•-•

Sitting in my car looking at the ultrasound I couldn't help the tears that poured down my face. How was I going to raise these babies on my own. My eyes travels down to my wrists. Hell I was barely taking care of myself. I got some things to think about. I cleaned my face and started the car so I could leave.   
Pulling up to the house I saw Cai outside playing with ChuChi (My Dog).  Getting out the car Cai ran towards me. 

"Hey Nika!" He said running towards me. 

"Hey Cai, where's everybody?" 

"SB left. He got a call from Rex I think. And mommy's in the kitchen coking something." He said shrugging and going back to playing with ChuChi. I walked in to the house, going straight to the kitchen. 

"Hey Ma."

"Hey Onika. Where were you this morning?"

"I was at the doctor."

"OH MY, Nika are you okay? What's going on? Is something wrong?" 

"Ma, CALM DOWN! I'm fine jut an annual check up." Partial Lie. 

"I'm just checking your my only girl. I have to keep tabs."

"HAHA! Ma, I understand. I'll be back. I said running up the stairs to my room. I took the pictures out of my purse and put them in the drawer next to my bed. Walking into the bathroom I heard my phone ringing. Thinking it was SB I answered without looking to see who it was. 

"Hello"

"Get to the studio"

"I'm busy actually"

"Be here in 5 or it's your ass." And with that he hung up. Guess I need to get there.

Preview.

Looking at the razor that was carefully balanced between my fingertips I could help but think of how I got here. I don't know who that women is that looks back at me in the mirror. The tile is cold underneath my feet. It's stained with my crimson colored blood. I just want to feel okay again. This makes me feel okay. I don't want this. It's dangerous. I haven't done this since I was a teenager. I was running away from my demons then. I thought I was over this. I thought life from then would be okay. But, here I am in this position. Running from my demons that haunt me again. I'm ready to die. Finally ready. How selfish of me. But God I just want to feel okay again. 

"Aye, Nick, you good?" SB asked knocking on the door. Quickly cleaning my face and the blood on the floor. 

"Yeah, I'm almost done. Give me a sec." 

"K. Meet me in the living room." He said waking away. I sighed in relief hearing his footsteps descend down the hallway. I quickly followed behind leaving the bathroom door open.

"Sup SB! I say jumping on the couch. 

"You mom called while you were in the bathroom. She said the plane should be landing in about 4 hours. Do you want me to go get her myself or are you going to be up to come along?"

I giggled at his question. "SB I'll be up. I promise. It's not that late Faree. 

"K. Just making sure. All you've been doing lately is sleeping."

"Faree shut up. I finally got some off day and I'm taking advantage of them. EXCUSE ME!!" 

"HAHAHA! Nick I'm just stating the obvious."

Introduction.

I posted this story on another blog... But then I thought why not bring it here...... So here it goes....