1 Month Later.
Today is the day I get to find out what I'm having. I'm officially 5 months and two weeks. He's meeting me up here. Lets just say, this situation is FUCKED up. So we ended up telling everybody about me being pregnant. Like YMCMB, and family, but NO media. That would just make the situation worse. He told Dhea I was pregnant and it was his. She forgave him. Told him we all make mistakes. I was hoping she'd leave him and we'd be together, but that's not the case. They're still together, and getting married soon. In 3 months to be exact. That's close to my due date. I'm scared that I'll go into labor the day if his wedding or while they're on their honeymoon or something. But whatever, I'm just the hoe he was fucking on the side. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Well, our actions. But whatever. When I told my mom, she was pissed. She damn near cussed me out and was about to fly all the way out here to beat my ass. I was nervous. But Faree came around. After a while he wasn't so angry. He's actually excited about having them running around the house. I've also been taking better care of myself. I haven't self-harmed in about 2 months and I've been eating regularly. Well, as regular as one can being pregnant. I've also cleared my schedule. I have nothing scheduled but off time for the next year or so. I walked into the doctors office with Wayne not to far behind me. I signed in sat down and waited to be called.
"Nick, you want to go to lunch after this?" I just looked at him. The last couple weeks I've been extremely rude to him. My hormones been fucking up. I decided to be nice today.
"Sure." I smiled looking at the magazines on the table next to me.
"Onika Maraj?" The lady asked. My gov. She must be new. Everybody in this office knows that I hate that. We got up and followed her to the back. I was excited to see what I was having. He was too, I'm hoping. I haven't really talked to him lately. We've been on two different pages lately.
"The doctor will be right in." She said walking out. Yeah, she new. Wayne was about to speak when Dr. Tully came walking through the door with a wide smile.
"Hey Nicki. Hey Babydaddy." I laughed. The shit cracked me up. She has to stop calling him that.
"Hey Dr. Tully." I said giggling and her rude joke. He didn't think it was that funny. To bad we did. I laid down on the table pulling my shirt up so we could get this show on the rode.
"You excited?"She asked while feeling my now protruding belly. It's grown a lot since the last time we were here.
"VERY!" I said a little to happy.
"Now this may be a little cold" she warned rubbing that cold shit on my stomach. This is one this I won't miss about being pregnant. I hate this gel. Makes me want to throw up. She rubbed it around my stomach to see the babies.
"Well lets see what going on here. Nicki......Baby A looks like it's going to be a girl..........Baby B looks like another girl..........Baby C looks like it's going to be a girl also. You are going to have your hands full with all these girls. Baby D is stubborn. Won't let me see what it's going to be. " she stared intently at the screen. "Looks like a another girl...... Nicki and Babydaddy looks like your having all girls. Good luck." She giggled wrapping up the machine. "I'll be back. Just going to put this away. We can then discuss some things." I pulled my shirt down and sat up, happily swinging my feet. I'm happy. Not what I expected, but still happy. Wayne had a grin on his face, but I could tell he was nervous.
"You okay?" I asked looking at the side of his face. He didn't respond at first.
"Wayne?" I said pushing his shoulder. He jerked his head my way.
"Huh?" He said with wide eyes.
"Nothing." Maybe letting him in our lives wasn't such a good idea. The doctor walked back in and sat on her rolling chair.
"Nicki, I see you've been taking good care of yourself. The babies sound better. And there is no pressure around your stomach. I'm proud of you. Uhmm, lets get to some due dates. At the earliest your due date should be July 14. You would be 7 1/2 months, but the original would be September 30. So just be prepared. Don't be worried. Its common in people who have multiple births. And since you are extremely small, you could give birth at any moment. Now, listen to me, If you ever start to feel major pressure in your abdomen don't hesitate to call me. You are a high risk pregnancy. Things could get bas and messy fast. I'm just glad you've been keeping the stress to a minimum. Just keep it that way and we won't have any problems. Any questions?"
"No, I don't. Wayne?"
"No. Thank You."
"You welcome Babydaddy. Alright Nicki make sure to schedule your next appointment with Diana at the front. And I'll see you next time."
"Thanks. Okay I will."
"And Nicki, remember what I said, don't hesitate to call me." She smiled. I returned it before walking out he door.
"Wayne schedule the next appointment. Schedule it around your next free day. I'm always free as of lately." I said laughing at my own joke. I guess he didn't think it was funny. Whatever I crack myself up.
-•-•
Waking out of the doctors office, I turned to Wayne.
"I have to drop my car off at home. So just follow me and we can go from there."
"Actually I just got a text from Dhea, I have to got meet her at the caterers. We can go after that?" He said looking up from his phone with a stressed expression.
"No it's okay. Spend time with your fiancé. Get your wedding together." I said looking at him with a reassuring smile.
"You sure? I could always just reschedule."
"No, it's fine I promise. I'll just go out with SB today." I said. I said opening the door to my car.
"Alright. But we do have to talk soon. We have to discuss what we're going to do with the babies." He said closing my door.
"Alright see you later." I said waving at him and pulling off. I ran into my house screaming Faree's name. But he wasn't answering. I walked into his room and didn't see him. I walked into the backyard and didn't see him. I walked to the game room and still didn't see him. I was getting nervous. He knows I hate being home by myself after what happened last time.
-Flashback-
I yawned sitting up in my bed, looking at the clock. Hmm, only 7:00. Since when do I wake up this early. I rubbed by 4 1/2 month belly trying to figure out what I was going to do next. First things first, I have to shower, it was hot in this room and I was sweating in my sleep. After getting out the shower I brushed my teeth and wrapped my towel around myself. I put on one of Safaree's shirts and a pair of leggings with a pair of black Uggs.(Can you tell I love t-shirts/hoodies, leggings, and Uggs? 😜😝😛😍) making my way down the stairs I slipped on the loose rug at the top of the steps, falling down all the steps. I saw that Safaree's keys were gone and couldn't get up. I started to have an anxiety attack and blacked out. I woke up to bright lights flashing over me. I sat up and saw Wayne sitting in the chair next to me sleep. Faree walked in holding a McDonalds bag and two drinks.
"I hope that's for me." I said startling him. He set the food on the table before running to me and giving me a hug.
"How long have I been out?"
"About 2 days." He said looking at me. I looked at Wayne seeing him shift in his seat.
"Ya know he never left your side? He's been here since I called him. Never went home. Those are the same clothes he had when he came in. " I laughed at the thought.
"Faree can we have a minute to talk."
"Sure." He said walking out.
"Wayne!" I called. "Wayne baby, wake up!" I said a little louder. I reached over and damn near pushed his ass out the chair. "WAKE YOUR ASS UP!" He jumped up shocked. His eyes widened at seeing me up.
"NICKI! Are you good?" He said hugging me tightly. A little to tightly I might add.
"I guess Wayne. I don't know. Where's my doctor?"
"Uhmm I'll go get her." He said rushing out the room. When he came back Faree and the doctor followed behind him.
"Hello Nicki. How do you feel?"
"I'm okay. How are my babies?"
"Nicki, did you do what I told you?....... You know what, don't answer that because I already know the answer. Nicki, when they admitted you, you were close to death. You had went into labor. You and the babies would have died if your friend here wasn't there to help you. And Nicki, we also saw the scars on your wrists? What's going on?" I became uncomfortable at the mention of my scars. Hell I just almost killed myself and my kids with my foolishness. God, what the hell is going on.
-Flasback End-
-•-•
I walked into the last place I thought he would be the babies' room. See I want them all in one room until they can sleep by themselves. I don't want to separate them and Faree agreed with me. I walked in there to see him finally painting the room. I had been begging him to do this for a couple days now, but he was painting it the wrong color... Blue, they're girls.
"Hey, Faree." I said startling him.
"Hey Nick." He said going back to painting the wall.
"Faree, I found out what I'm having today?"
"Was I right about you having all coons?" He said looking at me. I shook my head.
"One?" I shook my head "Two?" I shook my head. "Three?" I shook my head. He looked confused.
"Faree, I'm having all girls." He looked happy but sad when he realized that he painted the wall blue. He looked up at the walls sadly. I laughed at his face.
"Babe, how about you get cleaned up and we can go out for lunch?" He nodded sadly walking out of the room. Did I mention me and Faree are together. Yeah, at the hospital they but me on a 72 hour suicide watch and my 2nd, technically 5th day there we expressed how much we loved each other and decided to give a relationship a chance. So far it's been a good idea.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Chapter 7
I got into my car closing the door before he could speak to me. I didn't want to talk about it. I'm a horrible mother. I can't even take care of myself or my babies. That's the only thing I'm good for right now, and I wasn't even doing that right. I let my own issues cause my kids to suffer. They don't deserve this. The deserve a family, but I can't give them that. I just want to go home and goto sleep.
I parked my car in my driveway seeing his car pull up behind mine. What the hell? Can he just leave? I walked up the path unlocking my door, leaving it open so he could walk in. I walked into my kitchen to see SB making a sandwich.
"Hey Faree." I said looking at him. Well his back since he was turned away from me.
"Hey Nick, Hey Wayne." He said turning around taking a big bite out if his sandwich.
"Faree, I have something to tell you." I said keeping eye contact.
"Wassup?"
"I'm pregnant." I said bluntly. He choked on his sandwich putting his plate on the counter.
"WHAT!" He yelled looking at me.
"I'm four months along with quadruplets." He was silent for a while.
"Who's the father?"
"Wayne....." I whispered.
"Who?" He asked knowing damn well he heard me.
"Wayne, Safaree, Dwayne Carter. He is the father of my baby."
"Don't that nigga got a fiancé?" He asked angrily like Wayne wasn't in the same room.
"Yeah." I said ashamed of the stupid decision I made. Well, we made.
"And is that nigga gone be part of their lives? Is he gone leave his fiancé? Is he gone tell her he got you pregnant? Or is he gone lie his way through their lives?" He said going on a rant. All the things he said made sense these were things I didn't think of till now.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here". Wayne said getting defensive.
"Wayne you my nigga. And I once respected you. But you fucking with my bestfriend. That shit ain't cool." SB yelled.
"Faree calm down please." I said trying to calm him down. "Wayne I think it's time for you to go." I said leading him to the door. "Nicki, we need to talk about this." He said standing in my door way. "Uhmm, come by tomorrow around 12:00 so we can talk." I just nodded. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek before walking to his car. I closed the door and turned around to see SB looking at me where red eyes.
"Since when do you go around fucking married men?" He asked angrily. I loved him but at the moment I hated him. He could always make me feel like crap. I just wanted to go to sleep.
"SB, I love you but can we talk about this later. I'm tired and I just want to sleep."
"Alright. We can talk about it later. Go get some sleep. I'll wake you up to eat dinner later. What do you want?" He said smiling. This is why I love him.
"Anything you make Faree. I haven't eaten in about 2 days."
"Nika that's not good."
"I know. I'm working on letting other people take care of me."
I parked my car in my driveway seeing his car pull up behind mine. What the hell? Can he just leave? I walked up the path unlocking my door, leaving it open so he could walk in. I walked into my kitchen to see SB making a sandwich.
"Hey Faree." I said looking at him. Well his back since he was turned away from me.
"Hey Nick, Hey Wayne." He said turning around taking a big bite out if his sandwich.
"Faree, I have something to tell you." I said keeping eye contact.
"Wassup?"
"I'm pregnant." I said bluntly. He choked on his sandwich putting his plate on the counter.
"WHAT!" He yelled looking at me.
"I'm four months along with quadruplets." He was silent for a while.
"Who's the father?"
"Wayne....." I whispered.
"Who?" He asked knowing damn well he heard me.
"Wayne, Safaree, Dwayne Carter. He is the father of my baby."
"Don't that nigga got a fiancé?" He asked angrily like Wayne wasn't in the same room.
"Yeah." I said ashamed of the stupid decision I made. Well, we made.
"And is that nigga gone be part of their lives? Is he gone leave his fiancé? Is he gone tell her he got you pregnant? Or is he gone lie his way through their lives?" He said going on a rant. All the things he said made sense these were things I didn't think of till now.
"Don't talk about me like I'm not here". Wayne said getting defensive.
"Wayne you my nigga. And I once respected you. But you fucking with my bestfriend. That shit ain't cool." SB yelled.
"Faree calm down please." I said trying to calm him down. "Wayne I think it's time for you to go." I said leading him to the door. "Nicki, we need to talk about this." He said standing in my door way. "Uhmm, come by tomorrow around 12:00 so we can talk." I just nodded. He hugged me and kissed me on the cheek before walking to his car. I closed the door and turned around to see SB looking at me where red eyes.
"Since when do you go around fucking married men?" He asked angrily. I loved him but at the moment I hated him. He could always make me feel like crap. I just wanted to go to sleep.
"SB, I love you but can we talk about this later. I'm tired and I just want to sleep."
"Alright. We can talk about it later. Go get some sleep. I'll wake you up to eat dinner later. What do you want?" He said smiling. This is why I love him.
"Anything you make Faree. I haven't eaten in about 2 days."
"Nika that's not good."
"I know. I'm working on letting other people take care of me."
Chapter 6
Waking up I felt his soft cool breath on the nape of my neck. GOD, what did I do? I look over at the clock and see I've been sleep for an hour. SB should be home soon. He can't see Wayne. I got up and ran to the bathroom to barf up the contents in my stomach. Wayne walked in and held my hair back. The tears started to flow down my face.
"You have to leave." I said as strongly as I could.
"Onika, what are you talking about?"
"You need to leave. Faree will be home soon, he can't see you. You need to get your stuff so you can leave."
"Nicki I'm not going anywhere."
"You got what you want. We had sex now you can leave."
"Nicki that wasn't sex. I made love to you. I love you. You said you love me."
"What happened was a mistake. I think it's time for you to leave."
"I'm not going anywhere. So stop pushing me away." I tried standing up to brush my teeth but my legs just collapsed under me. I leaned over into the toilet and threw up some more. He just stared at me.
"Why are you just standing there? It's time for you to go." He looked at me shook his head and walked out. I was relived that he left. He needs to go. He doesn't belong here.
Walking back into my room I saw him sitting on my side of the bed with something in his hands. I rolled my eyes walking into my closet. I had a doctors appointment today. In about 45 minutes and he came and threw me off schedule. I threw on a simple OVO sweatshirt and leggings with a pair of red uggs. I walked out to see him still sitting there.
"I thought I told you to leave."
"Are you pregnant?" He asked me just above a whisper.
"What are you talking about?" I said walking closer to him seeing that he was holding my ultrasound picture.
"THIS!" He yelled. "Are you pregnant?"
"Why are you going threw my stuff?"
"So you are? You were just going to raise my kids and not tell me?"
"Who said they're yours? Who said you the only person I was fucking?"
"So you fucking other niggas? Who? That nigga Mario?" He yelled walking towards me." Gay Ass."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE."
"Nicki, NO! Not until you tell me the truth."
"You want to truth. You got 5 minutes before to leave before I call the police. GET THE HELL OUT!" I yelled picking up his clothes and throwing them at him. He put the picture on my night stand got his stuff and walked out of my room. My house. And hopefully my life. I was about to walk out when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I sat on the bed crying silent tears. The pain was immense. I rubbed small circles trying to calm myself. After about 10 minutes my stomach stopped hurting. Walking out of my room I closed my door left SB a note telling him I left and went to my car.
-•-•
I was sitting reading a book in the waiting room when someone came and sat next to me. Feeling uncomfortable I shifted in my seat.
"Nicki calm down. It's me." Wayne said taking off his hood.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I harshly whispered.
"Supporting you. You ARE the mother of my child."
"Like I said, how you know you the only nigga I'm fucking?"
"Nicki, your not a whore. You don't just fuck to be fucking. So stop pushing me away."
"How do you know?"
"Onika, I'm not here to argue with you. I don't want to stress you or the baby out. Just let me support you. Okay?" I sighed giving in to him. He was right. He's the father of my children. I suppose I have to let him support us.
"Children." I said looking up from the magazine I was reading.
"As in more than one?" He asked confused. I wiggled 4 fingers.
"WE HAVING 4 KIDS?" He yelled excitedly standing over me.
"CALM DOWN WAYNE!" I said embarrassed at the staring bystanders. He sat back down.
"Sorry, I'm just happy."
"Onika." The nurse called walking from the back. I got up and followed the lady. Wayne was still sitting in the same position.
"Well, are you coming?"
"Yeah." He said jumping up from his seat. "I didn't know if you wanted me-"
"Wayne, calm down. I'm tired of fighting with you. You are the father you have the right to be here." We walked into the room and the nurse turned and was about to walk out when she called my name.
"Nika, good job." She whispered hugging me. I gave her a small smile. I needed that reassurance.
"The doctor will be in soon." She said closing the door. We sat in an awkward silence. This is the really weird. I'm use to being here by myself. Without any support this is weird for me.
"Nicki, I'm glad you let me come. I'm here to support you." I smiled at him in response. At this moment I just want to know how's my baby is doing?
"Hey Nicki." The doctor said walking in surprised to see Wayne next to me.
"Hey Dr. Tully. How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm good." I said wondering when she was going to address the elephant in the room.
"So who is this Nicki?" She said looking at him, but talking to me.
"This is the father." I said giggling.
"Well nice to meet you daddy. How are you?"
"I'm good." He said nervously.
"Well lets take a look at those babies. Lay back on the table for me, and we can see what's going on." I did as she said. She lifted my shirt and felt around my stomach. Poking and prodding. A frown appeared on her face making me nervous.
"What's wrong?" I asked getting worried.
"Nicki, just lie back for me and don't move while I go get the ultrasound machine." Wayne moved his chair next to the table grabbing my hand. I was shaking. I was terrified and her not answering me made it even worse. He kissed my hand making me feel slightly better. She walked back in with the machine rolling behind her.
"Nicki, this may be a little cold just relax." I replied with a slight nod, shivering at the cool sensation the gel gave me.
"Nicki, have you been under a lot of stress lately?" She asked staring intently at the screen. When I didn't reply she looked at me shaking her head. Then looked back at the screen.
"Nicki, at our first appointment I told you how dangerous this pregnancy was going to be. With you being so small. I told you to keep the stress to a minimum. You are putting yourself and the babies in danger. You are extremely tiny to be four months and having quadruplets. The babies heart beats seem to have become weaker since the last time we saw each other. That's not good. Now I'm putting you on bed rest till our next appointment. I barely want you going outside unless you have to. Have dad here go buy groceries or something. All I want you to do is sit and eat and sleep. Be lazy. Clear your schedule."
She smiled trying to lighten what she jut said. But what she said hit me hard.
"Got me?" I still didn't speak. I was unable to.
"Yeah, we understand." Wayne said speaking up. She just smiled at him. She cleaned to gel off of my stomach and wrapped the machine up.
"Nicki, look at me." She said putting a finger under my chin turning my face towards her. "I didn't mean to drop all that on you, but it's getting dangerous. I want to see you make it to full term or somewhere close. I don't want to loose you. Now, please take the stress off. Do whatever you have to do. Let daddy here help you. You can't do it all Nicki. Please just take it easy." I just nodded wiping the tears that were slowly streaming down my face. She hugged me before walking out. I pulled my shirt down and hopped off of the table. I walked out of the room with him following silently behind me.
"You have to leave." I said as strongly as I could.
"Onika, what are you talking about?"
"You need to leave. Faree will be home soon, he can't see you. You need to get your stuff so you can leave."
"Nicki I'm not going anywhere."
"You got what you want. We had sex now you can leave."
"Nicki that wasn't sex. I made love to you. I love you. You said you love me."
"What happened was a mistake. I think it's time for you to leave."
"I'm not going anywhere. So stop pushing me away." I tried standing up to brush my teeth but my legs just collapsed under me. I leaned over into the toilet and threw up some more. He just stared at me.
"Why are you just standing there? It's time for you to go." He looked at me shook his head and walked out. I was relived that he left. He needs to go. He doesn't belong here.
Walking back into my room I saw him sitting on my side of the bed with something in his hands. I rolled my eyes walking into my closet. I had a doctors appointment today. In about 45 minutes and he came and threw me off schedule. I threw on a simple OVO sweatshirt and leggings with a pair of red uggs. I walked out to see him still sitting there.
"I thought I told you to leave."
"Are you pregnant?" He asked me just above a whisper.
"What are you talking about?" I said walking closer to him seeing that he was holding my ultrasound picture.
"THIS!" He yelled. "Are you pregnant?"
"Why are you going threw my stuff?"
"So you are? You were just going to raise my kids and not tell me?"
"Who said they're yours? Who said you the only person I was fucking?"
"So you fucking other niggas? Who? That nigga Mario?" He yelled walking towards me." Gay Ass."
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE."
"Nicki, NO! Not until you tell me the truth."
"You want to truth. You got 5 minutes before to leave before I call the police. GET THE HELL OUT!" I yelled picking up his clothes and throwing them at him. He put the picture on my night stand got his stuff and walked out of my room. My house. And hopefully my life. I was about to walk out when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I sat on the bed crying silent tears. The pain was immense. I rubbed small circles trying to calm myself. After about 10 minutes my stomach stopped hurting. Walking out of my room I closed my door left SB a note telling him I left and went to my car.
-•-•
I was sitting reading a book in the waiting room when someone came and sat next to me. Feeling uncomfortable I shifted in my seat.
"Nicki calm down. It's me." Wayne said taking off his hood.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" I harshly whispered.
"Supporting you. You ARE the mother of my child."
"Like I said, how you know you the only nigga I'm fucking?"
"Nicki, your not a whore. You don't just fuck to be fucking. So stop pushing me away."
"How do you know?"
"Onika, I'm not here to argue with you. I don't want to stress you or the baby out. Just let me support you. Okay?" I sighed giving in to him. He was right. He's the father of my children. I suppose I have to let him support us.
"Children." I said looking up from the magazine I was reading.
"As in more than one?" He asked confused. I wiggled 4 fingers.
"WE HAVING 4 KIDS?" He yelled excitedly standing over me.
"CALM DOWN WAYNE!" I said embarrassed at the staring bystanders. He sat back down.
"Sorry, I'm just happy."
"Onika." The nurse called walking from the back. I got up and followed the lady. Wayne was still sitting in the same position.
"Well, are you coming?"
"Yeah." He said jumping up from his seat. "I didn't know if you wanted me-"
"Wayne, calm down. I'm tired of fighting with you. You are the father you have the right to be here." We walked into the room and the nurse turned and was about to walk out when she called my name.
"Nika, good job." She whispered hugging me. I gave her a small smile. I needed that reassurance.
"The doctor will be in soon." She said closing the door. We sat in an awkward silence. This is the really weird. I'm use to being here by myself. Without any support this is weird for me.
"Nicki, I'm glad you let me come. I'm here to support you." I smiled at him in response. At this moment I just want to know how's my baby is doing?
"Hey Nicki." The doctor said walking in surprised to see Wayne next to me.
"Hey Dr. Tully. How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?"
"I'm good." I said wondering when she was going to address the elephant in the room.
"So who is this Nicki?" She said looking at him, but talking to me.
"This is the father." I said giggling.
"Well nice to meet you daddy. How are you?"
"I'm good." He said nervously.
"Well lets take a look at those babies. Lay back on the table for me, and we can see what's going on." I did as she said. She lifted my shirt and felt around my stomach. Poking and prodding. A frown appeared on her face making me nervous.
"What's wrong?" I asked getting worried.
"Nicki, just lie back for me and don't move while I go get the ultrasound machine." Wayne moved his chair next to the table grabbing my hand. I was shaking. I was terrified and her not answering me made it even worse. He kissed my hand making me feel slightly better. She walked back in with the machine rolling behind her.
"Nicki, this may be a little cold just relax." I replied with a slight nod, shivering at the cool sensation the gel gave me.
"Nicki, have you been under a lot of stress lately?" She asked staring intently at the screen. When I didn't reply she looked at me shaking her head. Then looked back at the screen.
"Nicki, at our first appointment I told you how dangerous this pregnancy was going to be. With you being so small. I told you to keep the stress to a minimum. You are putting yourself and the babies in danger. You are extremely tiny to be four months and having quadruplets. The babies heart beats seem to have become weaker since the last time we saw each other. That's not good. Now I'm putting you on bed rest till our next appointment. I barely want you going outside unless you have to. Have dad here go buy groceries or something. All I want you to do is sit and eat and sleep. Be lazy. Clear your schedule."
She smiled trying to lighten what she jut said. But what she said hit me hard.
"Got me?" I still didn't speak. I was unable to.
"Yeah, we understand." Wayne said speaking up. She just smiled at him. She cleaned to gel off of my stomach and wrapped the machine up.
"Nicki, look at me." She said putting a finger under my chin turning my face towards her. "I didn't mean to drop all that on you, but it's getting dangerous. I want to see you make it to full term or somewhere close. I don't want to loose you. Now, please take the stress off. Do whatever you have to do. Let daddy here help you. You can't do it all Nicki. Please just take it easy." I just nodded wiping the tears that were slowly streaming down my face. She hugged me before walking out. I pulled my shirt down and hopped off of the table. I walked out of the room with him following silently behind me.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Chapter 5
I was home alone. BORED out of my mind. Cai and my mom went back home and SB went to Rex's to ride bikes. I need to find some business. A knock on the door dragged me out of my thoughts. Getting up to open the door I didn't bother asking who it was or looking through the peephole. I immediately regretted that seeing who was about to walk into my house. I tried slamming the door before he could walk in, but he stuck half his body in the door.
"Onika, you can't close the door." He said laughing at my failing attempts. I don't want this ASSHOLE in my house.
"What do you want?"
"Are you going to let me in? Or am I going to have to stand halfway in your house while we talk?"
"I don't want to talk to you. So if you would just leave we wouldn't have this problem."
"Nicki I'm not leaving. We need to talk about what happened."
"No we don't. You said how you feel and I agreed."
"Onika, open the door" he said growing irritated. So I'm irritating you? You ain't seen nothing yet.
"No. Leave."
"Open the door."
"You got 5 seconds until I call the cops. Now how will that look?"
"Onika open the GOTTDAMN door."
"Yelling wont get you in my house."
"Open the door." He said calming slightly.
"Nope. So if you would kindly get of my stoop. I'd like to close my door." He muttered something quietly before shoving his way into my house. I stumbled backwards.
"What the FUCK? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"Can you stop yelling? I just want to talk to you."
"We'll I don't want to talk to you." I said heading up the stairs to my room. " if you'd let yourself out, I'd greatly appreciate it." I said fully turning my head so he didn't see the tears slowly flowing down my face.
I heard footsteps and the door close. Figuring he was gone I went into my room and laid on my bed with my face in my pillow. Hearing my door open I looked up to see him closing and locking it. I quickly wiped my face.
"I thought you left?"
"Nicki please talk to me."
"I don't want to. Can you please leave?" He just looked at me. I turned over on my side staring at the blank screen on my wall. I felt my bed shift. I turned my head to see him laying there with his nothin but his boxers on. He grabbed me by the waist turning my body so I was facing him.
"I love you."
"No you don't. Don't lie to me." He shook his head."Can you please leave?"
"No." I rolled my eyes shrugging his arms from my waist. Luckily I had on a hoodie. My stomach wasn't big. But I looked like I was bloated. Felt like it was too. I was pulled from my thoughts by him slowly kissing my neck. I wanted so badly for him to keep going. But this was wrong. I tried pushing him off of me but to no avail did he move.
"You should really leave." I said trying to sound convincing. I couldn't concentrate on what was wrong and what was right at this moment. He bit the sensitive flesh underneath my ear. I shuddered at the feeling he was giving me. He needs to leave. This is how we got in this mess in the first place.
"You need to leave. You have a fiancé." I said trying to sound convincing. But failed miserably. His hands traveled to the edge of my hoodie pulling it over my head. He stared at me. I felt ashamed. I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face.
"God, your so beautiful. I should have never let you go." But you did. I wanted to chase after me. That's all I wanted. I knew if you fought you really loved me. But you didn't fight. You left me. But I couldn't say that.
"I think it's time for you to go." I said sitting up to grab my hoodie. He grabbed my wrist making me wince and retract it from his grasp. He pulled my wrist towards him looking down at it.
"Nicki, what the hell is this?" He said angrily.
"Let go of me." I said pulling my arm away from him. His grip got tighter the hard I pulled.
"Nick, look at me."
"Please." I begged feeling ashamed. It didn't help the tears that cascaded down my face.
"Nicki......Onika.....Look at me." He grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards his so that I was looking at him.
"What?" I asked not really wanting to know the answer.
"I still love you. I want you to have my kids one day." Too late that one day is about 5 months away." I want to marry you. I'll leave Dhea for you. She doesn't matter to me like you do."
I was crying. I couldn't help it. I don't want him to see my cry. I don't want to see my scars. Pushing him off of me I walked into my bathroom locking the door behind me.
"Nicki!" He yelled my name banging on the door.
"What do you want?"
"You."
"Why won't you just leave me alone?"
"Nicki, just come out here and let me talk to you. Please. You don't have to talk or listen. I just want you to hear what I have to say." I unlocked the door and walked out. He stood there with a pained expression. FUCK his pained expression. I've had one sine I found out I was pregnant. I have a pained expression every time I walk into the doctors office with our him. I have a pained expression when ever I crave cookies 'nd creme ice cream in the middle of the night with no one to go get it. I have a pained expression whenever I throw up in the morning from morning sickness. I had a pained expression when the doctor told me my baby had an irregular heart beat. I had a pained a pained expression when I was sitting on that floor crying my eyes out and damn near bleeding to death when I first knew I was pregnant. I have a pained expression whenever I have to see him. Especially when he's with Dhea. So excuse me if his pained expression doesn't mean shit to me. Feeling myself grow irritated, confused, and angry I far him an annoyed look.
"Nicki, I didn't mean to hurt you-"
"But you did." I said angry he was repeating himself. I bent over to pick up his stuff to give to him. "It's time for you to go."
"I'm not leaving. So stop trying to get me to leave." He grabbed me and layer me on my bed. He pulled off my leggings.
"Stop." I said trying to pull myself from his grasp. He grabbed my by the waist and pulled me to his body so that we were touching. There was total vagina to penis action going in here. Pulling my hoodie back off he kissed down my stomach leading to the top of my vag. He pulled down my underwear slowly, while looking me in my eyes. He moved back up to my face kissing my lips. Then kissing the name of my neck while moving to my breasts. I moan somehow escaped my lips. I was embarrassed. I could feel him smiling against my skin. He continued down to my other set of lips. He blew on them making me shiver. He was teasing. And I didn't like it.
"Stop Tea-" He cut me off by sticking his tongue inside of me. He looked up at me smiling devilishly.
"You like that?" He asked feeling accomplished. I couldn't reply. The feeling was to overwhelming. I don't know whether it was having some sex, having sex with him, or maybe me being pregnant. But feels like the BEST. SEX. EVER.
"Answer me."he said demanding me. I jumped feeling him teeth on my pearl. Did this NIGGGA just bite me. I was to busy contemplating about this NIGGGA biting me I didn't notice him sitting up and placing his friend at my entrance. I tensed seeing his friend. I ain't gone lie. I run from dick. And right now I was running. He smirked then grabbed my legs and pulled me back to my original spot. He leaned over me kissing my face as he pushed himself into me. I winced at the feeling. The pain was gradually getting worse. I felt like a virgin again. He kissed my lips repeatedly. My face was flowing with tears.
"I love you Nicki." He said steadily pumping out of me. He started fucking me harder and harder.
"Baby, I can't take it." I begged trying to scoot away from him. He pulled my back to him by my hips and fucked me with no mercy.
"Baby. I'm about to-" I couldn't finish my sentence.
"What you about to do?" He said stroking me deeply. I just took it. I couldn't speak. My mind was too gone. "Answer me Nicki!" He demanded.
"YESSSS! I'm about to come!! I can't take it anymore." I said as tears flowed down my face.
"Not yet. Flip over." He demanded and I followed. I was on my hands and knees and he rammed into from the back. I felt my knees buckle. I can't take this.
"Baby, your hurting me so good." I said moaning as he hit it from the back.
"Onika I love you." I moaned in response unable to speak.
"What's my name?" He asked gripping my waist and slamming into me. My arms gave out. I collapsed on to the bed. Ass all in air.
"Onika." Slam. "What." Slam "Is." Slam. "My." Slam. "Name?" Slam. I couldn't reply. I was at a lost for words. I can't take this. My legs hurt. And I can feel him in my stomach.
"Don't make me ask again." He said in a threatening tone. As if daring my not to say anything. But I couldn't the words were stuck.
"You know what..." I heard him mutter. He let go of me. I immediately got out of his grasp. Scooting as far away from his as I could pulling my knees to my chest. He walked into my bathroom and I heard the shower cut on. He came back into the room and stood at the edge of my bed.
"Get up." He demanded looking annoyed. I shook my head feeling like a little kid.
"Get up Onika."
"No. I'll take my shower after you."
"I want to take a shower with you. Get your ass up and come shower."
"No. I'm okay. I want to take a bath anyway." He shook his head as he came over to where I was sitting. He grabbed my leg pulling it towards him. His grip was tight on my leg.
"Okay baby, I'll get in with you." I said giving in to him. He smiled as he followed me into the bathroom. I could feel him staring at my ass but I wasn't about to say shit. I knew what was about to go down in to shower. I stepped in and he stepped in behind me. I actually started to wash my body. He grabbed my luffa from me. He turned me around so I was acing him. He put his finger under my chin so I was looking at him. He kissed me. What was supposed to be simple turned into a major make-out session. He wrapped my legs around him and turned so the water was going down his back and my back was against the tiled wall. He pushed himself back into me. I suppressed a moan that was threatening to come out. At first he was sensual. He was careful. Then he asked me a question. Him and these damn questions.
"Nicki, you love me?" YES! I do. "I know you here me talking to you." Oh I did. Just wasn't about to answer. He fucked me showing no mercy. I was crying tears of pain and joy. I felt like I was about to explode.
"Nicki this is my last time asking you." He said looking at me as if daring me not to say anything.
"What's my name?"
With each word he stroked deeper and harder. God, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Wayne. FUCK! DeWayne Carter. GOD BABY I LOVE YOU! Please baby, I'm about to come." That all came out as a moan. He smirked.
"You gone come with me?" He said looking me in my eyes.
"GOD YES!!" I came first. I felt myself squirting. I sighed in relief. He came shortly after. I felt him in my. I felt his liquid sliding down my leg. He let my legs go. I trie standing but my knees buckled. He laughed holding me up.
"Ain't shit funny" I said giving him a glare.
"My bad Nicki." He washed my body then washed his. We both smelled like Pink Chifton from bath and body works. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. He wrapped a towel around his waist walking behind me. I walked to my drawer and grabbed my underwear and pajamas. He went to the drawer he had in my house and grabbed a pair of boxers and some sweats. Sad to say, yeah he has a drawer at my house. Can you tell he comes by often? That this happens often? I stripped the sheets and put a new one on before grabbing a blanket from the closet. I climbed in the bed trying to erase what just happened. I felt the bed shift. Telling me that he had got in the bed with me. He got under the cover pulling me by the waist towards him so we were touching. I looked him in his eyes. He looked at me.
"I love you Nika."
"I love you to Wayne."
"Onika, you can't close the door." He said laughing at my failing attempts. I don't want this ASSHOLE in my house.
"What do you want?"
"Are you going to let me in? Or am I going to have to stand halfway in your house while we talk?"
"I don't want to talk to you. So if you would just leave we wouldn't have this problem."
"Nicki I'm not leaving. We need to talk about what happened."
"No we don't. You said how you feel and I agreed."
"Onika, open the door" he said growing irritated. So I'm irritating you? You ain't seen nothing yet.
"No. Leave."
"Open the door."
"You got 5 seconds until I call the cops. Now how will that look?"
"Onika open the GOTTDAMN door."
"Yelling wont get you in my house."
"Open the door." He said calming slightly.
"Nope. So if you would kindly get of my stoop. I'd like to close my door." He muttered something quietly before shoving his way into my house. I stumbled backwards.
"What the FUCK? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"Can you stop yelling? I just want to talk to you."
"We'll I don't want to talk to you." I said heading up the stairs to my room. " if you'd let yourself out, I'd greatly appreciate it." I said fully turning my head so he didn't see the tears slowly flowing down my face.
I heard footsteps and the door close. Figuring he was gone I went into my room and laid on my bed with my face in my pillow. Hearing my door open I looked up to see him closing and locking it. I quickly wiped my face.
"I thought you left?"
"Nicki please talk to me."
"I don't want to. Can you please leave?" He just looked at me. I turned over on my side staring at the blank screen on my wall. I felt my bed shift. I turned my head to see him laying there with his nothin but his boxers on. He grabbed me by the waist turning my body so I was facing him.
"I love you."
"No you don't. Don't lie to me." He shook his head."Can you please leave?"
"No." I rolled my eyes shrugging his arms from my waist. Luckily I had on a hoodie. My stomach wasn't big. But I looked like I was bloated. Felt like it was too. I was pulled from my thoughts by him slowly kissing my neck. I wanted so badly for him to keep going. But this was wrong. I tried pushing him off of me but to no avail did he move.
"You should really leave." I said trying to sound convincing. I couldn't concentrate on what was wrong and what was right at this moment. He bit the sensitive flesh underneath my ear. I shuddered at the feeling he was giving me. He needs to leave. This is how we got in this mess in the first place.
"You need to leave. You have a fiancé." I said trying to sound convincing. But failed miserably. His hands traveled to the edge of my hoodie pulling it over my head. He stared at me. I felt ashamed. I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face.
"God, your so beautiful. I should have never let you go." But you did. I wanted to chase after me. That's all I wanted. I knew if you fought you really loved me. But you didn't fight. You left me. But I couldn't say that.
"I think it's time for you to go." I said sitting up to grab my hoodie. He grabbed my wrist making me wince and retract it from his grasp. He pulled my wrist towards him looking down at it.
"Nicki, what the hell is this?" He said angrily.
"Let go of me." I said pulling my arm away from him. His grip got tighter the hard I pulled.
"Nick, look at me."
"Please." I begged feeling ashamed. It didn't help the tears that cascaded down my face.
"Nicki......Onika.....Look at me." He grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards his so that I was looking at him.
"What?" I asked not really wanting to know the answer.
"I still love you. I want you to have my kids one day." Too late that one day is about 5 months away." I want to marry you. I'll leave Dhea for you. She doesn't matter to me like you do."
I was crying. I couldn't help it. I don't want him to see my cry. I don't want to see my scars. Pushing him off of me I walked into my bathroom locking the door behind me.
"Nicki!" He yelled my name banging on the door.
"What do you want?"
"You."
"Why won't you just leave me alone?"
"Nicki, just come out here and let me talk to you. Please. You don't have to talk or listen. I just want you to hear what I have to say." I unlocked the door and walked out. He stood there with a pained expression. FUCK his pained expression. I've had one sine I found out I was pregnant. I have a pained expression every time I walk into the doctors office with our him. I have a pained expression when ever I crave cookies 'nd creme ice cream in the middle of the night with no one to go get it. I have a pained expression whenever I throw up in the morning from morning sickness. I had a pained expression when the doctor told me my baby had an irregular heart beat. I had a pained a pained expression when I was sitting on that floor crying my eyes out and damn near bleeding to death when I first knew I was pregnant. I have a pained expression whenever I have to see him. Especially when he's with Dhea. So excuse me if his pained expression doesn't mean shit to me. Feeling myself grow irritated, confused, and angry I far him an annoyed look.
"Nicki, I didn't mean to hurt you-"
"But you did." I said angry he was repeating himself. I bent over to pick up his stuff to give to him. "It's time for you to go."
"I'm not leaving. So stop trying to get me to leave." He grabbed me and layer me on my bed. He pulled off my leggings.
"Stop." I said trying to pull myself from his grasp. He grabbed my by the waist and pulled me to his body so that we were touching. There was total vagina to penis action going in here. Pulling my hoodie back off he kissed down my stomach leading to the top of my vag. He pulled down my underwear slowly, while looking me in my eyes. He moved back up to my face kissing my lips. Then kissing the name of my neck while moving to my breasts. I moan somehow escaped my lips. I was embarrassed. I could feel him smiling against my skin. He continued down to my other set of lips. He blew on them making me shiver. He was teasing. And I didn't like it.
"Stop Tea-" He cut me off by sticking his tongue inside of me. He looked up at me smiling devilishly.
"You like that?" He asked feeling accomplished. I couldn't reply. The feeling was to overwhelming. I don't know whether it was having some sex, having sex with him, or maybe me being pregnant. But feels like the BEST. SEX. EVER.
"Answer me."he said demanding me. I jumped feeling him teeth on my pearl. Did this NIGGGA just bite me. I was to busy contemplating about this NIGGGA biting me I didn't notice him sitting up and placing his friend at my entrance. I tensed seeing his friend. I ain't gone lie. I run from dick. And right now I was running. He smirked then grabbed my legs and pulled me back to my original spot. He leaned over me kissing my face as he pushed himself into me. I winced at the feeling. The pain was gradually getting worse. I felt like a virgin again. He kissed my lips repeatedly. My face was flowing with tears.
"I love you Nicki." He said steadily pumping out of me. He started fucking me harder and harder.
"Baby, I can't take it." I begged trying to scoot away from him. He pulled my back to him by my hips and fucked me with no mercy.
"Baby. I'm about to-" I couldn't finish my sentence.
"What you about to do?" He said stroking me deeply. I just took it. I couldn't speak. My mind was too gone. "Answer me Nicki!" He demanded.
"YESSSS! I'm about to come!! I can't take it anymore." I said as tears flowed down my face.
"Not yet. Flip over." He demanded and I followed. I was on my hands and knees and he rammed into from the back. I felt my knees buckle. I can't take this.
"Baby, your hurting me so good." I said moaning as he hit it from the back.
"Onika I love you." I moaned in response unable to speak.
"What's my name?" He asked gripping my waist and slamming into me. My arms gave out. I collapsed on to the bed. Ass all in air.
"Onika." Slam. "What." Slam "Is." Slam. "My." Slam. "Name?" Slam. I couldn't reply. I was at a lost for words. I can't take this. My legs hurt. And I can feel him in my stomach.
"Don't make me ask again." He said in a threatening tone. As if daring my not to say anything. But I couldn't the words were stuck.
"You know what..." I heard him mutter. He let go of me. I immediately got out of his grasp. Scooting as far away from his as I could pulling my knees to my chest. He walked into my bathroom and I heard the shower cut on. He came back into the room and stood at the edge of my bed.
"Get up." He demanded looking annoyed. I shook my head feeling like a little kid.
"Get up Onika."
"No. I'll take my shower after you."
"I want to take a shower with you. Get your ass up and come shower."
"No. I'm okay. I want to take a bath anyway." He shook his head as he came over to where I was sitting. He grabbed my leg pulling it towards him. His grip was tight on my leg.
"Okay baby, I'll get in with you." I said giving in to him. He smiled as he followed me into the bathroom. I could feel him staring at my ass but I wasn't about to say shit. I knew what was about to go down in to shower. I stepped in and he stepped in behind me. I actually started to wash my body. He grabbed my luffa from me. He turned me around so I was acing him. He put his finger under my chin so I was looking at him. He kissed me. What was supposed to be simple turned into a major make-out session. He wrapped my legs around him and turned so the water was going down his back and my back was against the tiled wall. He pushed himself back into me. I suppressed a moan that was threatening to come out. At first he was sensual. He was careful. Then he asked me a question. Him and these damn questions.
"Nicki, you love me?" YES! I do. "I know you here me talking to you." Oh I did. Just wasn't about to answer. He fucked me showing no mercy. I was crying tears of pain and joy. I felt like I was about to explode.
"Nicki this is my last time asking you." He said looking at me as if daring me not to say anything.
"What's my name?"
With each word he stroked deeper and harder. God, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Wayne. FUCK! DeWayne Carter. GOD BABY I LOVE YOU! Please baby, I'm about to come." That all came out as a moan. He smirked.
"You gone come with me?" He said looking me in my eyes.
"GOD YES!!" I came first. I felt myself squirting. I sighed in relief. He came shortly after. I felt him in my. I felt his liquid sliding down my leg. He let my legs go. I trie standing but my knees buckled. He laughed holding me up.
"Ain't shit funny" I said giving him a glare.
"My bad Nicki." He washed my body then washed his. We both smelled like Pink Chifton from bath and body works. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around me. He wrapped a towel around his waist walking behind me. I walked to my drawer and grabbed my underwear and pajamas. He went to the drawer he had in my house and grabbed a pair of boxers and some sweats. Sad to say, yeah he has a drawer at my house. Can you tell he comes by often? That this happens often? I stripped the sheets and put a new one on before grabbing a blanket from the closet. I climbed in the bed trying to erase what just happened. I felt the bed shift. Telling me that he had got in the bed with me. He got under the cover pulling me by the waist towards him so we were touching. I looked him in his eyes. He looked at me.
"I love you Nika."
"I love you to Wayne."
Chapter 4
We were driving towards the mall when we passed a restaurant.
"Hey guys, can we eat first?" I asked rubbing my tummy.
"Nika, where do you want to eat?"
"Shit at the moment I don't even care."
"Well, do you want to go to Applebee's?"
"Yeah, that sound cool. Lunch is on me today. Showing my gratitude for you guys coming and being my friends and loving me."
"Nicki you don't have to do that."
I cut her off."But I want to so leave it at that." I smiled giddily as we pulled into Applebee's.
We walked into the place and was immediately seated. I was happy about that.
"Hi, I'm Julie, I'll be your waiter today. Do you want to start with some drinks." Let's just say they all ordered an fruity alcohol beverage while I got a nice strawberry lemonade.
"Thanks, I'll be back with you drinks shortly." We all smiled as she walked off.
"Nika, what's up, you usually order a mango margarita." Candi asked confused.
"I'm just not drinking. I've decided to stop for a while."
"Mmmhmm." Lauren said giving Thembi the eye. Julie came back with our drinks.
"Are you ladies ready to order?"
"Yeah. I'll have the Caesar Salad and chicken."
"I'll take the same thing actually."
"I'll take the the house quesadilla."
"Uhm, I'll take the Steak house double cheese burger with a side of macaroni and cheese and seasoned fries. With a side salad." I said. Looking up from my menu I saw everyone's eyes on me. Even the waitress. She quickly broke her gaze.
"Okay I'll be back with those orders" she said taking the orders front the table.
"Aye Nick, don't you think that's a lot of food. You gone eat all that?"
I felt the tears pooling in at the bottom of my eyes. Was she calling me fat? "I'll be back." I said getting up and going to the bathroom before they could see the tears flowing down my face. I sat at the sink. Onika get your shit together. Don't let them see you cry. Walking out of the bathroom and back to the table all eyes were on me.
"Nika, you okay? I didn't mean to offend you."
"Your okay Candi."
"OMG! They got you calling me that to?"
"HAHAHAHA!! I like that. It's cute. Candi. My Liddo Lady Bug Candi."
"God Nicki, please to ever use all those names in one sentence again."
-•-•
Walking back into the house I saw my mommy sitting on the couch. I dropped my bags on the floor next to the door and plopped down I the couch next to my mom.
"Hey Mommy."
"Hey Onika."
"Mommy what's wrong?"
"Nicki, I'm worried about you. You haven't been the yourself. I noticed it when we first got here. Onika, what's going on?" I'm so tired of people asking me what's wrong. GOD, nothing is.
"Mommy I'm tired of people asking me that. Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired and worn down. I need some off time and that's what I'm getting."
"Maaaa!"Cai yelled from the kitchen cuttin out conversation short.
"Boy, stop yelling."she yelled getting up to see what he wanted. I followed and saw my kitchen in total disarray.
"Cai, what happened to the kitchen?" I asked with a look of shock on my face.
"Well, me and SB saw that you were up. And I wanted to cook you dinner. He said he was going to help, but he got a call and had to leave. So I was Doing it on my own. But as you can see it didn't work." He said sadden by what was happening. My mom was about to speak. I cut her off already knowing what she was going to say.
"Hey Cai, how about we clean this up, then we can cook together. How's that sound.
-•-•
The dinner table was scarcely quiet. It was awkward. Nobody spoke. Ma just looked at me with questioning eyes. Cai was oblivious to the elephant in the room. And Safaree who decided to finally grace us with his presence sat digesting with the table clothe barely eating his food.
"Hey Nika?" Cai said looking at me.
"Wassup?"
"What would you think if I got a girlfriend?" I nearly choked on my food.
"What!?! Cai you have a girlfriend?"
"No but I was thinking about it. I'm fifteen. Girls like me. Why not, ya know?"
"Cai, I don't know." My mom and Faree looked amused at the conversation.
"Nika please? I've already talked to mommy and Pop about it. They said if it feels right go for it." Go for it. Love that is. Why go for it? It's not worth it. You just end up broken hearted in the end. Yeah that feeling of love is great but shit, that feeling is only temporary. It's not permanent. But who am I to crush his dreams. Who am I to break his spirit?
"Cai, if they say go for it. Then I say go for it." I smiled reassuringly at him.
"Good cause there's this girl I'm really feeling. She looks kinda like you actually. She shorter than you, she has really long hair like you, she's really curvy. She's weird and awkward but she makes me smile. I like her. She makes everything funny. Even the worst situations feel okay when I'm with her, or even talking I her. When she asks crazy questions in serious conversations it makes me laugh. And she gets angry because she says 'she's serious'. I want you to meet her. "
"Of course I want to meet her. The next time I come to New York she's the first person I want to meet."
"K Nika. I can make that happen."
After that dinner started to lighten up. I walked in to the kitchen after grabbing every bodies plates of the table. I volunteered to clean up the kitchen. I was loading the dishes into the dish washer when SB walking into the room.
"Hey Nick."
"Since when do you know how to pick locks?"
"What?"
"The girls said you picked the lock on my door Wednesday night."
"Oh, I've known my whole life. Just didn't need to use it till now."
"Oh."
"Nick, wassup?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You been acting funny the last few months."
"I'm fine just sad and happy about this vacation time. Sad not to see my fans all the time, but happy for a break is all." I'm getting so good at telling these lies, I'm starting to believe them myself.
"Hey guys, can we eat first?" I asked rubbing my tummy.
"Nika, where do you want to eat?"
"Shit at the moment I don't even care."
"Well, do you want to go to Applebee's?"
"Yeah, that sound cool. Lunch is on me today. Showing my gratitude for you guys coming and being my friends and loving me."
"Nicki you don't have to do that."
I cut her off."But I want to so leave it at that." I smiled giddily as we pulled into Applebee's.
We walked into the place and was immediately seated. I was happy about that.
"Hi, I'm Julie, I'll be your waiter today. Do you want to start with some drinks." Let's just say they all ordered an fruity alcohol beverage while I got a nice strawberry lemonade.
"Thanks, I'll be back with you drinks shortly." We all smiled as she walked off.
"Nika, what's up, you usually order a mango margarita." Candi asked confused.
"I'm just not drinking. I've decided to stop for a while."
"Mmmhmm." Lauren said giving Thembi the eye. Julie came back with our drinks.
"Are you ladies ready to order?"
"Yeah. I'll have the Caesar Salad and chicken."
"I'll take the same thing actually."
"I'll take the the house quesadilla."
"Uhm, I'll take the Steak house double cheese burger with a side of macaroni and cheese and seasoned fries. With a side salad." I said. Looking up from my menu I saw everyone's eyes on me. Even the waitress. She quickly broke her gaze.
"Okay I'll be back with those orders" she said taking the orders front the table.
"Aye Nick, don't you think that's a lot of food. You gone eat all that?"
I felt the tears pooling in at the bottom of my eyes. Was she calling me fat? "I'll be back." I said getting up and going to the bathroom before they could see the tears flowing down my face. I sat at the sink. Onika get your shit together. Don't let them see you cry. Walking out of the bathroom and back to the table all eyes were on me.
"Nika, you okay? I didn't mean to offend you."
"Your okay Candi."
"OMG! They got you calling me that to?"
"HAHAHAHA!! I like that. It's cute. Candi. My Liddo Lady Bug Candi."
"God Nicki, please to ever use all those names in one sentence again."
-•-•
Walking back into the house I saw my mommy sitting on the couch. I dropped my bags on the floor next to the door and plopped down I the couch next to my mom.
"Hey Mommy."
"Hey Onika."
"Mommy what's wrong?"
"Nicki, I'm worried about you. You haven't been the yourself. I noticed it when we first got here. Onika, what's going on?" I'm so tired of people asking me what's wrong. GOD, nothing is.
"Mommy I'm tired of people asking me that. Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired and worn down. I need some off time and that's what I'm getting."
"Maaaa!"Cai yelled from the kitchen cuttin out conversation short.
"Boy, stop yelling."she yelled getting up to see what he wanted. I followed and saw my kitchen in total disarray.
"Cai, what happened to the kitchen?" I asked with a look of shock on my face.
"Well, me and SB saw that you were up. And I wanted to cook you dinner. He said he was going to help, but he got a call and had to leave. So I was Doing it on my own. But as you can see it didn't work." He said sadden by what was happening. My mom was about to speak. I cut her off already knowing what she was going to say.
"Hey Cai, how about we clean this up, then we can cook together. How's that sound.
-•-•
The dinner table was scarcely quiet. It was awkward. Nobody spoke. Ma just looked at me with questioning eyes. Cai was oblivious to the elephant in the room. And Safaree who decided to finally grace us with his presence sat digesting with the table clothe barely eating his food.
"Hey Nika?" Cai said looking at me.
"Wassup?"
"What would you think if I got a girlfriend?" I nearly choked on my food.
"What!?! Cai you have a girlfriend?"
"No but I was thinking about it. I'm fifteen. Girls like me. Why not, ya know?"
"Cai, I don't know." My mom and Faree looked amused at the conversation.
"Nika please? I've already talked to mommy and Pop about it. They said if it feels right go for it." Go for it. Love that is. Why go for it? It's not worth it. You just end up broken hearted in the end. Yeah that feeling of love is great but shit, that feeling is only temporary. It's not permanent. But who am I to crush his dreams. Who am I to break his spirit?
"Cai, if they say go for it. Then I say go for it." I smiled reassuringly at him.
"Good cause there's this girl I'm really feeling. She looks kinda like you actually. She shorter than you, she has really long hair like you, she's really curvy. She's weird and awkward but she makes me smile. I like her. She makes everything funny. Even the worst situations feel okay when I'm with her, or even talking I her. When she asks crazy questions in serious conversations it makes me laugh. And she gets angry because she says 'she's serious'. I want you to meet her. "
"Of course I want to meet her. The next time I come to New York she's the first person I want to meet."
"K Nika. I can make that happen."
After that dinner started to lighten up. I walked in to the kitchen after grabbing every bodies plates of the table. I volunteered to clean up the kitchen. I was loading the dishes into the dish washer when SB walking into the room.
"Hey Nick."
"Since when do you know how to pick locks?"
"What?"
"The girls said you picked the lock on my door Wednesday night."
"Oh, I've known my whole life. Just didn't need to use it till now."
"Oh."
"Nick, wassup?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You been acting funny the last few months."
"I'm fine just sad and happy about this vacation time. Sad not to see my fans all the time, but happy for a break is all." I'm getting so good at telling these lies, I'm starting to believe them myself.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Chapter 3
I cried the whole way home. Walking into the house I ignored the confused stares and questions that were being thrown at me. I went straight into my room closed the door and locked it. I sat on my bed and contemplated what I was going to do next. On the way here I decided that giving up my babies would be totally STUPID. If he wanted nothing to do with me fine. Have a nice life. I am keeping them. They're my life. But I know I can't raise these babies on my own. I have to tell someone. Nobody knows. I've kept it a secret for about 3 1/2 months and I truly plan on keep it a secret. I glanced at my dresser that sat across from my bed and saw my shiny friend. Sad, isn't it. This is what I'm confiding in. A razor. Something that could end my life in an instant. I grab it and retreat to my bathroom. Is this what I really want. The voices in my head are telling my to go ahead. 1 cut. 1 scar. What's the worst that could happen. But another part of my knows this is wrong. It knows that I should go down there and beg for help. But that's not what's going to happen. I gently press the blade against my wrist wincing at the pain it sends right away. I cut a little deeper watching the blood pour from my wrist. I choose another place to cut. Cut a little deeper Nicki and you'll end your life. Is that what I want? One cut turned into 5. I need to clean this mess. I cleaned up the blood off the floor. I went I to the closet and grabbed a body towel. I then noticed all my bloody rags that I had thrown in the trash over the last couple months. That alone made me throw up. I quickly hopped in the shower wanting to get out of this bathroom.
Walking into my room a grabbed a too big hoodie threw that on and a pair of leggings. I contemplated on whether I wanted to go back downstairs or if I wanted to lie down and take a nap. I'm just going to avoid confrontation and take a nap.
-•-•
I woke up from my nap hearing people talking. What the hell? Looking to where the talking was coming from I saw Lauren and Thembi sitting on the love seat in the corner of my room. When did they get here?
"Look who finally graced us with her presence?"
"How did you get in here?"
"Someone rude when they wake up." Thembi said walking to the side of the bed I was on.
"I locked the door for a reason."
"Oh, you don't want to see us?" Lauren asked as if her feelings were hurt. "To bad."
"Now tell us what's going on." Lauren said sitting next to on my bed. "BTW, Candi said she'll be here soon. She had a stop to make." Candi? O.o
"Why are you calling her Candi?"
"One night she was drunk and raving about strippers. She said she's a stripper and she wants everyone to call her that."
"Oh."
"So how's our best friend?" Thembi said getting comfortable in my bed as did Lauren.
"Nothing guys. My life been pretty boring." I said trying to convince myself of this lie as well as them.
"Onika Tanya Maraj don't you dare lie to us!" Thembi said with the New York accent I loved so much.
"I'm not lying I'm telling the God honest truth."
"Okay fine since you don't want to bring it up on your own I'll do it for you. What happened at the studio?"
"How do you know I went to the studio?"
"Your mom and SB called us. Saying that you totally ignored them when you came home. And you'd been on you room ever since. Nicki what day is it?" She asked looking at me. I looked at her like she was stupid.
"It's Wednesday." I said matter-of-factly.
"Nicki, It's Friday. You've been asleep for two days." I was dumbfounded maybe that loss of blood did something to me.
"Nicki" Thembi said grabbing my face so I was looking at her. "What's wrong?" Could I tell them the truth. The God honest truth. That was slowly killing myself. That I'm pregnant with quadruplets and the father wants nothing to do with me and he's about to be married. That I was hiding from my past. Couldn't find my future. God, I barely could face the truth myself. So why would they?
Candi came into my room looking like a bat out of hell.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked looking at her oddly.
"Girl, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. But enough about me. What's going on with you?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Because lately you haven't been yourself." Thembi asked with a concerned look upon her face. While Lauren and Candi agreed. "We're worried about you."
"Guys please believe me when I say I'm fine. The whole being sleep for two days thing is a little weird and different for me. But maybe I needed it. It possibly benefited me. Look do you guys want to have a day out?"
"Nicki are you up for a day out. SB told us you've barely left the house in 3 1/2 months." IT'S BECAUSE IM PREGNANT!
"Yes, guys I'm sure. Now you to the living room and I'll be out soon okay. I'll do my hygiene thing and we'll be on our way." I smiled reassuring them I was okay.
Walking into my room a grabbed a too big hoodie threw that on and a pair of leggings. I contemplated on whether I wanted to go back downstairs or if I wanted to lie down and take a nap. I'm just going to avoid confrontation and take a nap.
-•-•
I woke up from my nap hearing people talking. What the hell? Looking to where the talking was coming from I saw Lauren and Thembi sitting on the love seat in the corner of my room. When did they get here?
"Look who finally graced us with her presence?"
"How did you get in here?"
"Someone rude when they wake up." Thembi said walking to the side of the bed I was on.
"I locked the door for a reason."
"Oh, you don't want to see us?" Lauren asked as if her feelings were hurt. "To bad."
"Now tell us what's going on." Lauren said sitting next to on my bed. "BTW, Candi said she'll be here soon. She had a stop to make." Candi? O.o
"Why are you calling her Candi?"
"One night she was drunk and raving about strippers. She said she's a stripper and she wants everyone to call her that."
"Oh."
"So how's our best friend?" Thembi said getting comfortable in my bed as did Lauren.
"Nothing guys. My life been pretty boring." I said trying to convince myself of this lie as well as them.
"Onika Tanya Maraj don't you dare lie to us!" Thembi said with the New York accent I loved so much.
"I'm not lying I'm telling the God honest truth."
"Okay fine since you don't want to bring it up on your own I'll do it for you. What happened at the studio?"
"How do you know I went to the studio?"
"Your mom and SB called us. Saying that you totally ignored them when you came home. And you'd been on you room ever since. Nicki what day is it?" She asked looking at me. I looked at her like she was stupid.
"It's Wednesday." I said matter-of-factly.
"Nicki, It's Friday. You've been asleep for two days." I was dumbfounded maybe that loss of blood did something to me.
"Nicki" Thembi said grabbing my face so I was looking at her. "What's wrong?" Could I tell them the truth. The God honest truth. That was slowly killing myself. That I'm pregnant with quadruplets and the father wants nothing to do with me and he's about to be married. That I was hiding from my past. Couldn't find my future. God, I barely could face the truth myself. So why would they?
Candi came into my room looking like a bat out of hell.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked looking at her oddly.
"Girl, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. But enough about me. What's going on with you?"
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"
"Because lately you haven't been yourself." Thembi asked with a concerned look upon her face. While Lauren and Candi agreed. "We're worried about you."
"Guys please believe me when I say I'm fine. The whole being sleep for two days thing is a little weird and different for me. But maybe I needed it. It possibly benefited me. Look do you guys want to have a day out?"
"Nicki are you up for a day out. SB told us you've barely left the house in 3 1/2 months." IT'S BECAUSE IM PREGNANT!
"Yes, guys I'm sure. Now you to the living room and I'll be out soon okay. I'll do my hygiene thing and we'll be on our way." I smiled reassuring them I was okay.
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